| to no one and everyone |
[Feb. 23rd, 2007|02:20 pm] |
i need to clean my room, and clean other aspects of my life too.
my phone is broken, but I hope that that fact doesn't break our friendship.
please come visit me.
i hope that i can see you over spring break.
i'm glad it wasn't you, but i still wonder what it'd be like.
where are you? |
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| I hate this. |
[Jan. 24th, 2007|02:27 pm] |
From the morning when I rise from my bed
'Til the evening when I lay my head in slumber
Oh, the loss of you does wreck my days
Leaves me with a violent hunger
I will never be free from you
'Til I escape the lion's jaw
There's no welcome in the end
There's no reason to return again |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 13th, 2006|01:28 pm] |
i wish that i were better at a lot of things, like staying in touch with people that i swore i would. im always thinking of you guys, even if i dont call, or write on you facebook walls (lame!--facebook namedrop), or send you texts. theres just so much that i dont know how to say it all, so i just dont say anything at all. heres what im thinking right now:
laura: we will talk about anarchy and god and coffee so soon and it will be amazing,i promise.
erin: i hope you are doing ok...you are amazing and halloween was amazing and i know youre happy and that makes me happy and brent is a god.
julia: i am amazingly happy for you now. i really hope it makes you happy and not sad. delilah is adorable, i wish she were mine.
jeanne: we said we would talk more and we didn't really, but its ok. you should totally come here and hang out...we can eat nachos in chapel hill.
kyle: what up? i dont worry about you, because i know that youll be fine anywhere. even though you dont like app, im sure it loves you.
stephanie: where the fuck have you gone? i miss talking to you and hearing how you are. i want to know whats new and old and present.
kayla: same to you bitch...where did you go? hows life? i want to hear about all your adventures and art and everything else. when are you gonna be in charlotte again?
life is good. coffee is good. poetry is good. art history is good.
8 ams are bad. colds are bad. weird roommates are bad. exams are bad. |
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| ahhhhh....... |
[Oct. 17th, 2006|10:23 am] |
Laura is a tree, stoic and bending and bending and watching without words as the world walks by. |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 12th, 2006|08:30 pm] |
ahhhhhhh
i need you to call.
please. |
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| my horoscope: |
[Oct. 6th, 2006|12:11 am] |
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Sunny Sky's is an ice cream store in North Carolina that sells a flavor called Cold Sweat, which is made with three varieties of hot peppers and two kinds of hot sauce. It's sweet and creamy and cool and spicy and prickly and fiery all at the same time--kind of like what I foresee for you in the coming week, Leo. To get the most out of this extravagantly paradoxical time, I suggest you take small bites. And please wait a while following each new mouthful to see what the after-effect is before you load up on more. |
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| again |
[Sep. 18th, 2006|03:57 pm] |
i update alot because i like knowing that the people i care about know how i feel. it makes me feel more connected to them, even though its only in my head.
im gonna do that statements about ten people thing that everyone did for a while and then stopped. i like those, even though most of the people im gonna write about probably dont read this anymore.
1)i wish we had met a lot sooner and even though we recently met, i feel like ive known you for a very long time. the offer still stands to kick my roomate out and have you move in. one day, youre gonna take over the world and spread your amazingness everywhere.
2) even though we dont really talk anymore, save drunken phone calls, you mean so much to me. im really sad that were not as close as we used to be, and sometimes i feel like ive been written out of your life, but i hope thats not true. i hope we can make it through school as friends, i dont know howd i feel if we didnt. hopefully ill be able to get up there soon.
3) you changed my life more than i think you know and when im drunk on the p2p i tell people how we went to the british flag house and had an adventure. youre infectious, in a good way, and i know that you will take the world as an oyster and live every day. im envious, and when im nervous, i imagine your voice in my head telling me to seize the day.
4) when we talk on the phone, i feel like it hasnt been a month since weve seen each other. its weird that we werent friends for so long, but im glad we are now. you are amazing and if people dont see that right now, then its only a sign of better things to come. everything will get better and work out, it just takes time. i wish i could make everything better for you.
5) when i think about you, all i can do is smile. im gonna see you soon and it is gonna kickass. you are so genuine and caring its almost unimaginable that you exist. whatever you want, you can get it; it would be hard for the world to stop you. i tell everyone how amazing you are, even if i already have and they dont seem interested.
6) we dont talk that often and i dont know how i feel about that. i think its just the way both of us are and everything will work out. i hope youre liking college, and i want to come up there soon. i also dont know why we werent friends for so long, but im glad it happened. im not really worried about you, in a good way, because i know youll always be alright, theres no way you couldnt be.
7) i wanted to tell you that the band of horses singer had your tattoo on his neck but i didnt have your phone number.
8) i dont know if you consider me a friend, even though i see you every day. our relationship still feels awkward and strained and it sucks. maybe theres just too much shit in the past that cant be forgotten. i hope things get better for you, even though you never talk about them. just know that despite what youve heard, id love to listen anytime.
9) i really want you to come here, not just for me, but because i think you deserve all the happpiness in the world, and i can see you loving it here. itd be awesome if you came, but i understand if you dont. just do what makes you happy.
10) i opened the door to missing you and now it hurts too much to close. im scared to see how much i need you, and im more scared to accept that youre probably gone. but i dont feel apologetic at all and i hope you know how much you hurt me, even though youll probably never care. i really hope you get what you need up there. |
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| go heels! |
[Sep. 15th, 2006|04:03 pm] |
theres nothing worse than when a day you seize escapes.
all my friends are seeing each other and i have yet to see anyone. i love it here, and i really can see how it becomes this all-consuming world, where everything happening outside is irrelevant. I don't want to feel like that;i dont want to be one of those people.
last night i got drunk in a restaurant and then went to a party with julie that we found on our own and where we didnt know anyone and we took the guests by storm...pesapulusky is next friday.
im coming home the last weekend in september and i know its going to be so weird. im dreading it, but it will be awesome to see people ive missed.
everyone please come here...i have a couch...and fun...and the night is always young.
5 hours later...
im about to go to my first football game so well see |
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| a new day |
[Sep. 9th, 2006|09:25 am] |
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my hand smells like smoke and dane....? |
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| this is gonna be a summary... |
[Aug. 26th, 2006|12:25 pm] |
yesterday was probably one of the best days in college ive had. i had one class, aand i got assigned my first college paper, which is comforting for some reason. then i went vintage shopping with julie, alyssa, and rox. it wasnt hong kong and it didnt feel as easy and comfortable, but the familiarity was pretty refreshing. i had some ram's ass with julie, phil, and karl, and as usual it was disgustingly dissappointing. then i smoked a bowl with julie, cameron, and this really cool kid nasir we met. we smoked in the rec room on trashcans and i felt we were lumbee indians in a wattle smoking a peace pipe. then we talked about music and books and it was awesome, because i havent found anyone to talk about those things with yet. then scott came and we got ice cream and cds on franklin and har really really good sober conversation, which i need. we went to frat court sober, so i was able to fully experience it. after seeing it with cameron, i hate it a lot more, but it definitely creates memories. we stumbled on a hall crawl (where you take a different shot in every room) and i think i got cameron more drunk than he wanted to be. we listened to a beatles cover band at another frat and drank some frat pjs (bad idea). later we drunkenly staggered to miami subs and ate and we all went home.
it was the sober parts and the company that made last night amazing i think. it was a sign of good things to come. i met this guy spencer and im gonna go to a local band show tonight and hopefully meet people. theres also a "dress to get screwed" party at this arts and literature commune that i might go to (sober hopefully).
its comforting to know that tomorrow i have to go to the library to study.
ill be home for labor day...id like to see everyone, even if you never liked me or were not even friends. |
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| Yo ho yo ho...a music pirate's life |
[Aug. 11th, 2006|07:11 pm] |
Im bored. Of eveything. And when i say i wish college was tomorrow i realize that i mean it. then i look around and see people that i care about and people that i used to care about and people that i wished i cared about and its all too much to care about anything. and now it seems that the one person who i care about too much to admit that i care about them so much it scares me, will probably never talk to me the same way, and everything will just fizzle away into a regret. i dont want to regret things that were said or werent said or actions that were or werent committed, i just want to be left alone, but alone im sad and feel pathetic and a waste (of paint, and time, and space and...). i just dont know and i guess that not knowing is scarier than anything. i dont want to lose everything that i have, but i dont want to be stuck in the past and i dont want to be a bitch but i dont want to be fake nice and i want to be honest and have everyone be ok with what im saying and i want you to know exactly what i mean when i say that i dont know. i want today to last forever but i want tomorrow to come really soon. i want to be forgotten but i never want you to forget me. i want you to need me but i dont want to need anyone. i wish everything had turned out differently but i dont want anything to change.
the person youre waiting to find is waiting to be found. |
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| A Tall Bike |
[Jul. 8th, 2006|01:21 pm] |
Everything is happening......
I just wish it would happen faster. |
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| maybe its just the arboretum |
[Jun. 29th, 2006|12:28 am] |
A million billion thoughts are swirling around my head and i need a sifter to funnel them through.
everything now is bad, bad, bad. well, most things.
im not happy in the "i love life and everyone" way. im only happy in the " i only have to endure this shit for a few more weeks."
i just feel all floppy and moody. when things are good, theyre amazing; when theyre bad, theyre devastating.
i wish i had infinites amounts of gas so i could just drive around, looking at things.
i always have stupid crushes and im convinced something will happen and it never does and never will. im deluded and disillusioned.
i wish i was inspired.
ive ruined it all; i just feel like i pissed it all to hell.
things arent the same anymore, or maybe its me thats not the same.
can graduating really change a person this much.
i need to escape, for real. maybe i cant escape because im the problem. i dont know, i dont really care.
where did it all go?
am i the only one that feels like satisfaction vanished with a diploma? |
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| Gifeltefish ho! |
[Jun. 17th, 2006|04:32 pm] |
I have been officially adopted into the Jewish cult of Minneapolis. I've played mah jong, eaten chinese food, read my haftorah portion, and worn a yamakah. To top it all off, I was introduced to the rabbi's son, david, and was told we "would make beautiful children". It was extremely awkward and he immediately wallked away to get more puch, which I'm sure was spiked with vodka. I got to see "Spoonbridge and Cherry" by Claus Oldenburg which was a plus, and have determined that my cousin is still sort of hot; still modeling and acting, and still an asshole. |
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| "You Belong Here" |
[May. 21st, 2006|10:33 pm] |
This weekend has flown by in a flash of amazing.
The thought of you has been replaced with the hope that only someone new can bring.
There is a spot outside my house that smells like clean laundry. It's behind some bushes near flowers. I sat there and read a book today.
I came home from work and my dad said "Follow me". We laid on the glass and watched stars.
I copied Julia and made myself a mixed cd. It has stegosauri on it.
At work today I drew the Venus of Willendorf (pubic triangle included) on a display board about coolers. Soon the whole world will know about her wonderful ability to aid in feminine mystique.
I'll come running with my heart on fire. |
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| Why am I not surprised? |
[Apr. 30th, 2006|09:07 pm] |
Grow a fucking spine. Come on, is the truth such a hard thing. Cuz, really, it's not. Whatever.
On the plus side, ducks are amazingly cute when they're small. |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 14th, 2006|12:04 pm] |
But tell me if we sleep together would it make it any better?
If we sleep together would you be my friend forever? |
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| I think i knew it along |
[Apr. 3rd, 2006|10:28 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  refreshed | ] |
| [ | music |
| | sun kil moon | ] |
The mandatory post spring break update:
Well, sbo6 is over, and after an hour and a half of APAH! the realization of things being back to normal hit me. Spring break was a perfect blend of girl laying around time and partying. It was amazing; exactly what I wanted it to be. I got a week-long glimpse of my future and it was so incredible that my level of motivation has gone down from 0 to -460 (whcih in Fahrenheit is the temperature that all motion stops). Next year everything's going to change and I can't wait. Coming home felt like coming home after a vacation should. The time away cleared so many things up, I feel refreshed and completely stress-free. I don't feel the same as i did when I left and that's definitly a good thing. you don't affect me anymore and i am ok with that. addiction's a terrible thing, but rehab's for pussies.
"get the fuck out of my car" please picture post ASAP.
lindsay, don't judge me.
everyone who sucks go to hell. |
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